Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
