dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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