Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
