This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
