We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize