My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
