I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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