She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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