I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
