She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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