Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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