My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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