I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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