Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
