im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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