I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
