Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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