So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Go christen that room with your naked body.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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