arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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