exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
