Where did you get a picture of my penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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