Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
