i would punch a child for taco bell
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Houston, we have a squirter
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
