Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
