I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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