if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
