Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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