i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
