I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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