it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i believe in u and ur pee
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
