____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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