So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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