Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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