Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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