Do you still have your period?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
