So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
