I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
