Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
