Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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