did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize