My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
