I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
