This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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