its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
