i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize