Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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