My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
