he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize