Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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