Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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