Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
