There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize