Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
