What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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