census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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