I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
