My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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