i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize