I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
