I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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