We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
