what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
