Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Can Purell be used as lube?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
