So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
