also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
