i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
