I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
