as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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