please come you make the beer taste better
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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