that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
