I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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